bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
