Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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