So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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