You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
