you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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