Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize