covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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