So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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