If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
