just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
North Korea, Best Korea!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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