a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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