I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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