my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
