WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
