he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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