You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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