You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
