I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
false alarm. still invincible.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
