pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
