i think my tv is drunk
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She bit a glass in half.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
