Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
