God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
