If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
