did you get engaged???
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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