i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
