Please, let me fuck your mom
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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