he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
