whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize