I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
