I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
please don't ironically join a cult
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