I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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