if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
