I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
