Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
