Quick, to the slutcave!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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