loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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