Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
