It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
