i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
