in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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