Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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