remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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