her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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