so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
