I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
