Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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