p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
