I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize