No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
