Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
