did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
