i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
