soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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