at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
