dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
