I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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