Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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