broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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