were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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