She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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