happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize