She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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