I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
