So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i came on her dog
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
