and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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