he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
