you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
