There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
