please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
