sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
