Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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