i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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