Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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