I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
