I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
