Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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