Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
