just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
