I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
