I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
