the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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