How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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