I just made out with a guy for $7.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
