I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
3pm strippers are depressing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
