That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
