It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
