four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
