After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
