Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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