I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pooping to opera.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
