We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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