There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
