bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
