I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
