i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
