I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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