respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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