I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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