its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
