Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
