Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
