I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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